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OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!
Tonight was probably the best night I've had here! We went to dinner at Carol's house (which is a stunning experience unto itself) and met a group of students from Canada who are studying poverty and development in Mexico. THANK GOD!! I finally met people I can make a connection with...
Okay...I have to be honest with myself here...my experience here in Mexico so far has been nowhere near as life-altering or exciting or fulfilling as I had expected. Sitting here tonight talking to these girls, I felt like theirs was the program I was meant to be on. Here I sit in Cuernavaca, learning Spanish, yes. But really...I've been here for a month and I feel like I haven't really experienced life here at all...I still feel like I'm masquerading under this guise of happiness and awe that really isn't a reality for me. I haven't started growing roots here yet...I don't feel like I belong here. I haven't made real human connections with anyone here except for the VAMOS kids. Tonight, seeing these five women and how close they are and how warm and inviting they seem just made me realize how much I've been lacking that sense of companionship in my life in Cuernavaca. I'm lonely...and only now can I admit it because I feel like there is a very good chance that the loneliness will die within the next few days.
Anyway, enough of the sentiments...they invited us to Tepoztlan tomorrow and I am SO excited. Why has it been so difficult to encounter people who want to GO OUT AND DO THINGS here? I don't know...but just like that, life can turn itself upside down. I kept trying to have faith these past few weeks as I've been feeling a little lonely...have "fe" that things will get better, that I will experience that awe and transcendent loveliness of Mexico again...and now I feel like it's coming...I've met some people that THINK and STRIVE to understand and make sense of their world, people who radiate energy like the energy humming within me.

Como estai?

No, that's not a typo. Last night we went out with our Chilean friends and I definitely feel more savvy in the lingo of Chilean young people. I really enjoy talking with them because it enriches my understanding of the cultural differences among Spanish speaking countries in the Americas. I think too often we group together a population and geographic region and think of them as similar when in reality they are very diverse. It's really helpful to understand these cultural differences, in my opinion, especially if you're going to be travelling among countries/cultural regions. For example, I am told that in Chile, rather than pronouncing, "Como estas?" with the "s" on the end, they pronounce the "s" as an "i". Also, in Chile, "chaqueta" means "jacket," while in Mexico, it means "condom." :O That is one mistake I don't want to make while shopping for outerwear in Mexico. :P

Our two Chilean friends' accents are so disimilar that I would think they were from different countries.Even within Latin American countries, there is as much diversity as within the United States. You might be thinking, "Well, duh, Maggie" right now, but really, while you may know that diversity exists, how often do you think of Mexico or Guatemala or Belize or Chile as simply arbitrarily divided hunks of land that contain inumerable cultures and subcultures?

On a completely unrelated note, we went to Jardin Borda on Friday night to see Flamenco dancing...! I know Rashelle wrote about this on her blog so I won't repeat what I'm sure she described more poignantly. I will only say that it was entrancing. I was wondering a bit about the history of Flamenco. I've been told that it originated in Spain among the Moors and Jewish outcasts as a form of self-expression. Flamenco seems to have a very rich history, and I would love to learn more about it. At the performance, the music sounded indigenous to me. I have heard Spanish guitar music, and this was similar, but the singer I believe, was singing in a mixture of Spanish and some other language. His style of singing seemed similar to indigenous music that I have heard, or at least similar to American Indian music. Well anyway, it was an experience that definitely enriched my understanding of Flamenco.

Si no importa eso, que importa?

So today I meandered my way down to the Zocalo to meet Danny at a cafe (my favorite place to study!) And unexpectedly found myself deep in a philosophical discussion about the point of life, ethnocentricism verses cultural relativism, etc. The other day at VAMOS I noticed that one of my kids has teeth that are in really bad shape (This is relevant, I promise). I was thinking (before I found out that personal hygiene is addressed in the classes) that I should really bring him a toothbrush and show him how to use it and such. Really, though, who am I to tell him how to take care of himself? For all I know, in his culture, personal hygiene isn't important. What gives me the authority to tell someone of another culture what is good/isn't good for him? I know that my purpose at VAMOS is to help the children learn how to become successful human beings...by our (American) version of success. If I have no authority then, how do I define what "helping" is? I feel like we live on two different planes of consciousness...what we do and think in our everyday lives, just going through the motions of what our culture tells us is worthwhile, and what we try to comprehend when we really sit down and think about the order/purpose of things. I guess the best I can do is just go through the motions of what I think is "helping" and just leave the bigger questions for later.

Re-reading what I just wrote, I guess it sort of sounds like I'm diminishing/negating the importance of what VAMOS does. That's not what I'm meaning to do at all! I really deeply respect Patty and everyone involved in VAMOS, and I believe in the value of education and community. When I'm at VAMOS, I feel like a worthwhile human being, that I'm actually doing something of value. I suppose I'm just trying to come to a deeper understanding of how I can best serve in the future...

Papeles...

Papers...lots of people need them...not many can get them. Most of my Mexican friends in the U.S. are undocumented, and I think for that reason the struggle that many Mexicans face to go to and live in the U.S. is very poignant to me. I had a conversation this week with a friend about illegal immigration, and I'm really excited because I feel like I have the opportunity here to come to understand more deeply the push and pull factors that influence decisions to migrate. There are the typical reasons that we learn in school...that people go to the U.S. to send remittances home to impoverished families, or simply to attain the "American Dream (?)." But really, I'm sure there are a multitude of reasons why people migrate, and if we could understand the push and pull factors better, we could figure out a better solution than criminalizing a population that for the most part, only wants a better life. I feel like for U.S. citizens, it's very easy to condemn undocumented immigration and to agree with the hegemonic belief that people should just wait their turn to come here legally. In reality though, it's not that simple. When these immigrants become people with names and faces and stories, how can you look them in the eye and say: "Nope, you don't deserve to be treated as a first class human being. I was born here and therefore I deserve more than you."

Buscando...

I guess it's time that I adress politics. I'm hesitant to write anything about what we've been learning in class because I'm not sure where I stand. Learning about AMLO last week was intriguing to me...but I feel like the more I learn about Mexican politics, the more confused I become. From the movie, I got the sense of "good guy" being AMLO and "bad guy" being Calderon. I know where you (Carol) and Charlie stand on the election fraud, but I can't say in good conscience that I agree completely.

Before I go any further, let me state clearly that the election fraud in itself is completely "wrong" (I hate using that word...I mean "wrong" in the context of our system of values.) and inexcusable. I do know without a doubt that I disagree with the way in which Calderon came to power. I don't know much about him and his politics, except that he's conservative and thus considered to be against "the people." I think I have trouble grappling with this because I come from a very conservative background and have learned that there are merits to each political ideology. I think both Carol and Charlie described AMLO as the "conscience of the people," and that phrase immediately sent warning bells off in my brain. In Fraude it seemed that AMLO was dangerously close to creating a "cult of personality," and no matter how much one claims to be "for the people," I have a problem with one person being glorified to that extent. I know nothing about AMLO's true intentions...I'm sure it is very likely that he only desires to improve the lives of his people, and I mean no offense to anyone who supports him.

That said, something about the film just didn't sit right with me. I don't know what to believe. It's so frustrating for me not to know where I stand on politics. I feel that I'm pretty much a conservative on economic issues and a liberal on social issues. At the same time, I feel that my beliefs are constantly being challenged and reforged...and I suppose the problem is that I want answers and truth...and they are most likely unobtainable. Our culture of dualism gets in the way of everything...we think in dualistic terms of right and wrong, "good guy" and "bad guy" while all the while in the back of our minds we know it's not that simple. We want simplicity because it helps us make sense of our world...it gives us a framework for formulating beliefs and behavior. But just because we place two things in opposite categories doesn't mean they ARE inherently opposite. I can't place AMLO on a pedestal and dismiss Calderon as a criminal. UGH I'm not expressing this as clearly as I want to...but I don't know how better to explain what I'm thinking. I guess it's just that I can't embrace AMLO or Calderon. I can't pick a side. Maybe within the next few months I will discover where I stand on Mexican politics...now is just too early.

Si pudiera decir todo...

IQO FCGQH LNEJKHRCNMEWJK N CR!!!!!!!
Well, I just got back from four hours of Charlie. Where to start....? Mi cabeza esta tan llena y no puedo encontrar las palabras.
I guess I'll start with this afternoon. I was standing in the Zocalo waiting for Holley at a street vender, and for some reason I just had this moment of "AHA!" I realized I've still been perceiving Mexico as "the other" in relation to the U.S. I don't know why, but I think I subconciously assume that everyone in Mexico aspires to go to the U.S....I haven't been thinking of Mexico as a completely self-sufficient entity where people are born, live, and die completely comfortably and with no desire to leave. I know how horrible this sounds, me being an anthropology major, but I think I'm suffering from a lingering case of ethno-centrism. I guess the first step is recognition, right? Even so, I feel like every day I'm being slapped in the face by how deep my "American-ness" goes. In cultural anthropology we learn that culture IS who you are...what makes you human. I AM 99.9% American (I know it's not P.C. because the U.S. isn't the home of the only "Americans," but I don't know what other term to use.) For twenty years of my life I have been indoctrinated with American beliefs and practices...and these have oriented me in the world in a very particular way. I think maybe it's more accurate to say "American" IS me, rather than I am "American." I guess my point is, again, that there is a vast difference between learning something is true in school and experiencing it for yourself. Being here, I am experiencing firsthand every day what makes me "American." In the U.S., my culture is invisible because it is the dominant culture. There, "Mexico" and anything Mexican is the other, the obvious... I can only learn about Mexico in terms of how it is different from my culture. But here, I am "the other;" and so my culture is no longer invisible. Maybe I can turn the tables now and learn about the U.S. in terms of Mexico...and learn about Mexico on its own terms.
So much more to say...but maybe that must wait for another day. :/

De mexicanos y gringos...

Hola amigos!!!
I just want to say a quick word about something I've been thinking about since I got here. One of the first nights I was here, Rashelle and I went out with our host brother and his friends. We got to talking about extranjeros like us and how Mexicans feel about them. One of his friends said something very interesting to me: that Mexicans are more fascinated with anything or anyone coming from outside their country and less fascinated with anything Mexican. At the time I just took it as him espousing his opinion, but now that I'm thinking about it, I'm seeing it more and more here. Why did Rashelle and I, the only Americans in line outside a dance club, get in before all the Mexicans in front of us? This has happened every time we go dancing. Last night I was talking to a guy from Monterrey and he said the same thing...that Mexican men les gustan las gringas mas que las mexicanas. I suppose perhaps it's true of any culture, that extranjeros seem more interesting and exotic...why do Americans think of Brazilian women as being so beautiful? When movie producers want to make a character sexier, they give her an accent.
That said, I think this is maybe a smaller part of a larger picture that I can't begin to comprehend yet. I'm thinking again of my friend Fernando from the U.S...he once told me that Americans think they're free, but we're not free. We have everything we could ever want in our country because the government gives us everything we need, "American people—you can never leave this country. It’s only like a few people can like go different countries. ‘Cause uh, like they give you everything, to make sure you gonna stay here. They want to keep you like right here." Is this true? It can't be a bad thing that we have "safety nets" in the U.S., but at the same time, perhaps we have less freedom. Isn't there some saying that poverty frees you and wealth traps you? Of course...I'm talking mostly in this instances about Mexicans like Fernando who come from the poorer parts of Mexico. I wonder if wealthier Mexicans share the same views about the U.S.
Why do estadounidenses focus inward while mexicanos focus outwards? It's odd...I feel like I'm learning more about my country by living here than I did by living in my own pais.